now that you
are reading this
it is my soul
you do not miss.
I wrote you this
to let you know
it’s not your fault
I had to go.
I left both you
and the world behind
because I felt
it was beyond my time.
Please don’t waste
your tears on me
it’s not worth it
as you can see.
I had decided that
there was no reason
to live a life
from season to season.
I never knew what
I was to become
I had no future
I was far to dumb.
You told me so
every day
so I felt I had
no need to stay.
Why stay in a life
that you’re no need
So I finished myself
so you wouldn’t have to see.
You wanted a success
you believed in me
but I couldn’t become
what you wanted of me.
I’m sorry dear family
and to all of my friends
I’m sorry that all of this
had to come to an end.
But now I must go
and leave you with this
It’s beyond my time
for the devils kiss

Who am I?

You ask me the question who am I? Well I guess normally one would start off with their name, and introduce their self; but my name is just a sequence of a series of different letters. Surly letters that mean nothing, I am just another girl that sits in the class that no one will ever get to know. What does my name represent; what is it that actually makes up my being. When I am going day by day living each moment of this life I am given, what is it that people are seeing of me. You see what I let you see, firstly you see my outside: my height, my hairstyle, the color of my eyes and the tone of my skin; and for most of you that is all you will ever get to see, you'll never see the things that I do or the words that I speak, the true means of what starts to define that 'who' am I. So should this topic maybe actually be 'what's in my soul'? The truth is I know I am labeled; but I don't go by those labels, I erase them from my head when they are thrown my way. We’re all made differently; unique in our own ways but there are expectations that we follow even as different as we actually are. Again you ask who I am. I look around with a slight puzzled look upon my face; this is who I am I finally whispered isn't that what you wanted to know, did you not? But I obviously know that this is not what you want to hear you want to know that my name is Tia-Marie Buckley, 18 years old born in Born in Brookings raised in Germany. You want me to tell you the little details that make up my existence the easy way, by me just telling you, but that’s not who I am, that’s what I am. That does not actually describe who I am, the answers to this question will never be found in my folded up birth certificate that lies in a dark box collecting dust as the years pass us by. But more on the lines of getting to actually know me, getting to know what I have grown up from, and to know all the struggle it took for me to finally be whom I am.

I am a girl who has lost herself,
lost herself in this very crewl world.
The anger runs down both of my checks.
The blood will flow out as I cry.
I don't want to hurt anyone,
and this is why I need help.
I screamed out to the world that I needed HELP
But i screamed those silent words so no one could hear me.
Not even our god could hear my crys tonight.
I let myself go, I gave up on this crewl world.

With these scars

With each cut,
the pain dripped away.
Its my freedom from my past.

I no longer feel like a coward
Fucking up on everything with every breath I breathe

But some days I want to stop
Feeling like everything's wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes I can but not for long

 It’s like I'm addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refuge in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained

The scars shall never fad

there there for a reminder.

The past lays on my skin

it stays there for me to look at.

 

With out a word

Why did you go without a word,
what happened to the one i once knew
to the one that was full of joy.

Something happened
something just went wrong
No ones smiling anymore.

The world misses you
the world doesn't understand
but how could we understand the pain you felt

Time ran out for help
it was just a little to late
the weight of this world just was too much
and i am sorry
I am sorry i was not there for.
I never thought a deed could have been done
by someone with a smile as bright as yours

Silenced

With these tear stained eyes
I speak the truth
I speak of my true self
With old scars, and new
I stand here sharing my LIFE

I hide my true self behind my smile
A meaningful smile has not come out for awhile
There is an answer out there somewhere
an answer i just cannot find
There is a struggle i fight
A struggle that just keeps knocking be back down
So far down, im never sure if i'll be able to pick myself back up

I seeked out help from the lord
but it seemed my crys out for help were silenced
So i gave up on our god

I did not understand
how he could put this pain and suffing
in a child so young.

From a very young age
I knew the meaning of hurt,
I knew what if felt like to be loved in the wrong way

I was a mess
A complete mess
that i couldnt pick myself up
I just lost all hope in myself
living with no true dreams.

With a sharp blade i made myself feel alive
With this damn sharp blade i let the pain flow out
These scars reminded me of the past
the past that i could never forget

I let these tears fall
I let the tears i never showed
fall from my already beaten face
never before has one seen such tears
These tears were real
These were tears of pain and suffereing

I struggle to make it through the day
Because my life is falling through
The lord gives me another day to live
but its another day wasted away

I remember the days
the days that lasted to long
the days i wish i'd take my last breath
the day i held that damn gun to my head

I pulled that trigger
and my life changed forever

For a moment

Just stop for a moment
listen to the words that come from the heart.
Can you feel that?
Yeah thats true pain.
and yet you could never fully understand
(no you could never understand)
I need to take it back in time,
yeah take it back in time.
I've been roaming around
and I can't find my way back
I have lost my way in this world.
My body is here
but my mind has lost all control.