Silenced

With these tear stained eyes
I speak the truth
I speak of my true self
With old scars, and new
I stand here sharing my LIFE

I hide my true self behind my smile
A meaningful smile has not come out for awhile
There is an answer out there somewhere
an answer i just cannot find
There is a struggle i fight
A struggle that just keeps knocking be back down
So far down, im never sure if i'll be able to pick myself back up

I seeked out help from the lord
but it seemed my crys out for help were silenced
So i gave up on our god

I did not understand
how he could put this pain and suffing
in a child so young.

From a very young age
I knew the meaning of hurt,
I knew what if felt like to be loved in the wrong way

I was a mess
A complete mess
that i couldnt pick myself up
I just lost all hope in myself
living with no true dreams.

With a sharp blade i made myself feel alive
With this damn sharp blade i let the pain flow out
These scars reminded me of the past
the past that i could never forget

I let these tears fall
I let the tears i never showed
fall from my already beaten face
never before has one seen such tears
These tears were real
These were tears of pain and suffereing

I struggle to make it through the day
Because my life is falling through
The lord gives me another day to live
but its another day wasted away

I remember the days
the days that lasted to long
the days i wish i'd take my last breath
the day i held that damn gun to my head

I pulled that trigger
and my life changed forever